Emotional conflict

 Yesterday was my 2 week post op check up to remove dressing and check external wound, plus receive the histology results.  I’d managed to stay calm prior to appointment but still had this level of dread! What I’ve learnt so far is that things are never straight forward when it comes to cancer!  

Dressings off, wound looking good, still another 4-6 weeks till internal aspects healed.  In comes Miss Olsen! ‘I’m glad we decided to do this op because on operating I found a 4mm satellite cancer above the original one’ ‘if we hadn’t found it radiotherapy would zap it, but I’m glad we got it surgically’ ‘I took a large lump of breast tissue around the original tumour and this surprise new one and got clear margins of healthy breast tissue’!  

We don’t know what to do with this new information, feel numb! How long has this new one been there? Could there be others? Radiotherapy and the anti oestrogen drugs should stop others but if any new ones appear then it’s a mastectomy! This is a continuing anxiety! Hoping it was a one off is out the window now because even after chemo there was this new one! 

How do you stay positive when you have a noose hanging over you?! 

Bad nights sleep for both of us!

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