Venting

 Sometimes I just hate my brain!! Whilst feeling better than I did after last chemo we managed a nice evening with friends in their garden and then I had breakfast out with some girlfriends.  But on the side I’m struggling with worry about the chances that the cancer will have spread to elsewhere, today I’m worried about my lungs! Obsessively looking at early detection for secondary cancer, how long after breast cancer it can develop, is there treatment!! Just because i sometimes have a little breathlessness and a tiny tiny tickle that occasionally caused me to cough today!! I have so many questions for the oncologist as I feel I need to be in control and hyper aware of potential risks to look out for in my future!  Not feeling like all I’m doing to have the best outcome is enough is doing my head in!  My symptoms today are probably and most likely a side effect of chemo itself but it doesn’t take that worry away!! Trying to focus on all that’s being done is killing cancer cells should be enough, but my brain likes to go the extra mile to upset me!