2/8 - Oh The Pain

 So after the success of having chemo on Friday, I call it success, but just in the way you can tick a horrible job off your to do list!  I get to Sunday evening and those tell tell signs are here,  that the bone/joint/muscle pain is not going to bypass me this time as I’d hoped!  This is tougher than feeling nauseous or lacking in concentration.  Those can be ignored to a degree.  This is 24/7! So having had very little sleep both Thursday and Friday because of all the steroids I’m so very quickly back to no sleep.  Sunday spent tossing and turning as it’s impossible to get comfortable.  I take to sleeping downstairs Monday night so as to not disturb Mark!  The pain is predominantly the lower part of me body, but some in my ribs, neck and hands! I’ve been mostly managing by taken ibuprofen every 4 hours, but honestly this isn’t helping much. I’ve avoided taking the Codine until Tuesday night because it can cause constipation, and I didn’t want anymore than is already caused by chemo drugs!  But I just want a good nights sleep, so I go for it!

Hoo bloody ray, a good nights sleep! Now to hope the pain eases over next couple of days like last time and that I get some rest spite in between!  And I hope that bloody sun comes back out!

Whilst you’re undergoing treatment the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away that you don’t contemplate the next steps or what it all means.  But the closer I get to the end zone the more paranoid I get about the cancer turning up elsewhere or how it’s been growing in my enemy the boob this whole time!  It’s incredibly scary, every twinge, sharp pain or ache in my body means there must be a cancer there, waiting to devastate me all over again! 

Wanting to go forward into life without fear is what I want but my god that’s going to be difficult to achieve!  Right now though I’d settle for a day with less pain and more mobility!