31/12/23 - Goodbye 2023!

 I’ve just realised it’s now been 7 weeks since stopping work! A business I’ve been running for 18 years albeit very small for the first 5 years.  But after that I created a business I am very proud of.  I’ve never stopped like this accept for holidays, a spell also when I was ill last year and the horrible Covid period where all businesses were affected (this broke my heart as I thought I’d lose all clients). But I can honestly say for the most part I’ve enjoyed my job, I’ve had some amazing dogs and clients and I hate that I’m letting them down! But I’ve no idea on how long I’ll be off, obviously post op it wasn’t suitable to work for 6 weeks, but now it’s limbo again! Waiting for oncology and chemotherapy to start! Could I work in between? Not knowing when the next therapy starts and whether its worth starting then stopping again!  I believe I have to have a picc line permanently put in my arm which wouldn’t work with my job, risk of catching it whilst handling dogs, don’t know how poorly I’ll feel either.  So I end up still in limbo not making decisions! Obviously some clients have to get help from elsewhere, which is totally understandable and I need to return some keys, but this still feels hard to do! I think it may be easier to give everyone their keys back to save the drip drip of clients leaving and reminding me of my businesses decline!  If this had been a simple lumpectomy and radiotherapy I think I’d have a business to return to, but the length of time this treatment is going to take with further surgery followed by radiotherapy is taking out most of my year! It’s making me cry just thinking about how hard I worked to build a quality business.  Maybe this is all a chance for change and a new challenge, but will still be hard! I would definitely miss some of those little faces 😢