Time goes by and my mood and thoughts are erratic! Felt very angry and was quite snarky over the weekend! I’m sure other brains are similar but being in my head is definitely like the film Inside Out! I’ve almost got a constant monologue going on! What ifs and what should be. Once again paranoia and it’s dominance for what if it’s spread, what if when this body part hurts or I get a stabbing pain in boob or armpit, the cancer must be back. What if while they’re taking so long to start chemo all this comes true! Then the should be’s! I should be grateful they’ve cut out the primary cancers, I should be grateful we’re in a country where treatment is even an option, I should be happy I’m alive and physically mostly feeling well! It’s hard to look forward to anything when you know what’s coming next and how long it will affect you! But you just want them to get on with it! Hopefully today’s mood will improve!
31/12/23 - Goodbye 2023!
Today feels like a day for reflection, not something I normally do on 31st December! I want to say FUCK YOU 2023 - FUCK YOU CANCER - WELCOME 2024. Only I have to reflect on the year and recognise I did nothing to get cancer, I chose the treatment plan I was offered and did my bit by trying to keep moving forward, not looking back, keeping healthy physically and mentally. I didn’t always succeed but I didn’t quit. Stubborn bitch springs to mind! But I wasn’t an inspiration or brave I just did what was recommended and continue to do what has been recommended. Losing control of my life’s decisions was the hardest part of this year, but discovering a resilience that was stronger than I could imagine was a bonus. The support I’ve had from family and friends has helped me through tougher moments and I’m very grateful for the people in my life. This year I’ve had: 2 biopsy’s Mammograms MRI CT Scan Bone Scan First operation involving a lumpectomy and auxiliary clearance Picc Line Fitte
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