So breast biopsy on 6th February and then MRI on 15th February, it was the 21st when the Consultant rang me to say that she had MRI results! Heart straight into mouth! MRI showed just the one tumour in that breast, still looking like a T1 'bulk standard breast cancer'! She didn't mention the actual biopsy results until I asked - 'yes is as she suspected and we had already discussed the most common type, an oestrogen receptive breast cancer'. I forgot to mention that added to all this turmoil, because of the potential for it being oestrogen receptive I had to stop all my lovely HRT! Gutted and now thrown into even more emotional disruption!
So back to the MRI, the consultant now mentions the bloody lymph node again! The fucking thing I went in for in the first place! Yes its showing on the MRI and she now needs to have it biopsied! Our actual face to face meeting is the following Monday 27th but she would put in referral for biopsy before this date.
Monday 27th comes around and no contact about biopsy! We, as is my curse turn up early, only to find the consultant running late! More bloody waiting! So in we go. D day or more relevant C day! She examines me, draws on my boob explaining about how the operation to remove the tumour would be carried out and potential treatment plans. Also now mentioned for first time was I need a CT scan and Bone Scan (complete fear takes over!). Its then she realises the biopsy of lymph node hasn't taken place. Up I go to Breast Care Unit where biopsy is taken (I was terrified as the breast biopsy hurt (don't think man doing it let local anaesthetic work before doing) ) couldn't stop shaking and crying. The fear of spread through this lymph node (the one I kept being told was fine) was huge. Cancer elsewhere would be the end of everything! From bulk standard breast cancer, treatable to OMG where else has this gone?! Am I going to die?! As you can imagine my brain was on a complete downward spiral!
Initially the 23rd March was discussed for the lumpectomy because the 13th was a junior doctors strike! But then mid week I get a phone call saying Ms Olsen had managed to get extra theatre time on Wednesday 8th, did I want it? Did I want it? Honestly who in their right mind says no?! CT scan has come through for Saturday evening (a new Date Night for me and hubby!). Bone scan not till 15th March after operation but they weren't concerned about it having to be before, operation for removal of breast lump (hopefully with a clear margin!) and once lymph node biopsy was confirmed as having breast tissue in it a full axillary clear of my armpit. The armpit clearance the bigger more complicated of the operations.
So as you can imagine emotions are absolutely out of control. I manage to get through this weeks work but decided to stop this Friday the 3rd to give me more time to try to prepare for the operation. Not sure what other peoples idea of preparing might be but mine was clearing and cleaning! Knowing I'd not be able to drive for at least a couple of weeks meant I made sure I went out with my own dogs for long walks.
CT scan on the Saturday night (another machine I had no experience of) but friends who had had it said it was fine. Of course I googled it! You don't have to change for this procedure. They once again put a canula in my arm to inject a dye. Which arm?! Well make the most of the left as its redundant after Wednesday! I was informed that when the dye is injected you may feel warm between your legs (in your intimate area) like your weeing yourself 'WTF'! Oh its ok you don't actually urinate! Well thank fuck for that! No sooner was I in the machine I was out, took no more than 5 minutes. Now back to the HURRY UP AND WAIT for results.
For me I'm now battling fear I'm going to find its already spread and that means death and the fear about the operation the following week. FUCK YOU 2023 YOU ARE A CUNT!
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