My Cancer Story - Battle with Mental Health

 So breast biopsy on 6th February and then MRI on 15th February, it was the 21st when the Consultant rang me to say that she had MRI results! Heart straight into mouth! MRI showed just the one tumour in that breast, still looking like a T1 'bulk standard breast cancer'! She didn't mention the actual biopsy results until I asked - 'yes is as she suspected and we had already discussed the most common type, an oestrogen receptive breast cancer'.  I forgot to mention that added to all this turmoil, because of the potential for it being oestrogen receptive I had to stop all my lovely HRT! Gutted and now thrown into even more emotional disruption!  So back to the MRI, the consultant now mentions the bloody lymph node again! The fucking thing I went in for in the first place! Yes its showing on the MRI and she now needs to have it biopsied! Our actual face to face meeting is the following Monday 27th but she would put in referral for biopsy before this date.   Monday 27th

 Where to start? Cancer itself, the thoughts, the feelings? The impact of my already fragile mental health? So many thoughts going around and around its totally overwhelming, even as I type I'm tearful!  I'm no writer but I think getting some of this down may help me and may help someone else! Probably best to start at the beginning: October last year I went to the doctor with a lump in my armpit, she thought it was most likely normal but referred me anyway.  Having not long turned 50 I had been invited for first mammogram but not yet organised.  I obviously wasn't overly worried, fit and healthy and hadn't found a lump in my breast. A referral was received to go to the Breast Care Unit at the Hospital to meet a consultant, have an ultrasound and mammogram.  Consultant examined, said he thought may be something, radiologist said within normal measurements for a normal lymph node and felt it was fine and to leave it alone! Mammogram came back clear.  Consultant still was